Granted, that first half of the NBA All-Star game was pretty fun. The East led 52-49 after one quarter, the only time in the history of basketball over 100 points have been scored in a frame. But, by the beginning of the second half, the game had gave way to the Russell Westbrick shitshow for the 3rd straight year.

He just kept jacking up 3’s. It was so boring. The best part of the game is seeing all the best players work together, not go one-on-one. No wonder Spazzbrook drove James Harden, Coach Scott Brooks, and Kevin Durant out of town, dude is a quintessential narcissist who even ballhogs it in a goddamn all-star game. He broke Wilt Chamberlain’s historic 41-point record on an alley-oop attempt from midcourt that accidentally went in, the sloppiest, most perfectly-disrespectful way the great Stilt’s achievement could be shattered.

But here’s the kicker: he wasn’t the all-star game MVP. In the quietest 50-point performance of all-time (apparently) Anthony Davis in his home city also broke The Big Dipper’s unmatched point total. Hmmm. I guess I missed it?! I had no idea, thinking about this article in my head already as I (rightfully so) was ready to rip Westbrick a new one. But why not throw in a crap 50-point performance to illustrate my point?

I knew the dunk contest would prove triumphant because this had no peak, no crescendo, no exhilarating finish. It left the viewer extremely unsatisfied – where was LeBron James the whole second half? Just like last year, the best basketball was played early on like in that electric back-and-forth first quarter, but eventually gave way to a backyard jack-it-up shitshow. Thank god, once again, for last night’s real show.