We might be eatin’ turkey, but we cooked those birds on the field, too – straight EAGLES FOR THANKSGIVING.

How did you like those Lions? We all knew we were capable, but thanks to Martha Ford lighting our fire, we’re finally showing it.

I am loving these Lions, right? Megatron! Three amazing touchdown catches. And he was the third best player in the ball game. #2? Ziggy Ansah – three and a half sacks, forcing and recovering that fumble? Goddamn.

But the man is still Matthew. Without Stafford, we would be 0-11. Straight up. Jim Bob Cooter doesn’t get the credit, yet: #9 continues to take it into his own hands and make plays despite sketchy play calling.

Compared to Sabrina Carpenter, there was no pressure on Detroit. We’re grown men playing a fucking football game; this 16-year old woman was belting out the Star-Spangled Banner in front of MILLIONS of snarfs on national TV. Do you have the slightest clue how excited I was to see she was singing?

To be 100, this moment was almost as special as anything I experienced on Thanksgiving. Carpenter is the star of Girl Meets World, the spinoff of Boy Meets World that we all adored throughout the ’90s. And she’s talented as fuck. Her and Corey’s daughter (in the show) sing the theme song to the show, a phenomenal job.

So, the stage was fucking set. Out came the LIONS – BANG: played solid D, got them to brick a field goal. Then, Staff Sauce marched the length and punched it in.

Unfortunately, Philly was allowed to respond and tie it on some gay long plays we didn’t prepare for. However, they had zero running game, as we were shutting that shit down. After tying it at seven, Detroit would go on to score 38 unanswered points.

How does that happen? Do you deserve to know?? THE RALPH’S + LIONS = 45/50+ to whatever the weak ass fuck you got!!

For real, we had 45 by the fourth and easily eclipse 50 if it is necessary, but Sanchez & Shit kept sucking, so we stuck it to them!

Once my brother arrived for this wonderful tradition of giving, thanks, and being together (aka Thanksgiving), there was no stopping us. My father and I are both oldschool, but my younger brother has that young swag, saying, Hit Megatron! And we did. And we dominated.

This doesn’t need to be a full recap. Because we know who we are. And we love these Lions like we love each other, right?

So no matter what, we’re there. As long as you’re there, that’s all that matters. Win or lose. It just so happens, we kicked some major fucking ass and sure as shit, WON.


And the highlight of the NFL’s wannabe halftime shows is our city baby! Big Sean, walking out singing One Man Can Change the World? If that didn’t inspire you, if that didn’t have you in tears with the Detroit kids marching along side him, as our city’s own Sean described how he watched this game as a kid on TV himself – you ain’t dreaming big enough!

I’m gonna tell you right now: WE ARE BLESSED. Happy Thanksgiving, snarfs. I love you.