Snarf (snärf): A humorous occurrence and/or person, specifically one relating to the world of sport

Despicable Detroit

The clock had just struck midnight in West Michigan. September had arrived – as did my younger brother, whose car door could be heard at 11:59. It was supposed to be lucky: since we were kids and Nickelodeon told us to begin each month by saying, “rabbit, rabbit,” we strove for it, even getting it in for the next 1,000 years at the new millennium. I never thought an hour into our fresh month Ethan would deliver me news like someone had died: Justin Verlander, our Detroit Tiger since we drafted him over a decade ago, was traded to save money on a squandered season.

If I ever meet manager Brad Ausmus, I’d give him a punch right in the fucking face. I KNEW that incompetent slack jaw would do almost as bad a job leading our team as the current President is our country (speaking of people I’d like to punch in the face). Ausmus: you inept buffoon. THIS IS ALL ON YOU. Not only did you fail to take a 4-time division title team past the 1st round once, you managed to suck so badly we traded away half the veterans on a sinking ship. FUCK YOU. My Whitecaps are now all I have left, for the thought of JV in another uniform is like watching your girl bang someone else. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN, HOUSTON! Goodbye, Verlander. Goodbye…

Similar posts
  • Rookie of the Year Tribute [...]
  • Carry On, Cubs Heard that song on the radio, and it embodies the spirit of you, Chicago Cubs. As my friend from Seattle said tonight, you are my National League team. My twin sister from the north side. My team in 2016. I was all-in with you tonight, and you, unlike my fucking sorry ass Detroit Tigers DID [...]
  • Season (& Night(s)) to Remember Well, West Michigan: it was not the way we wanted it to end, losing the final two games at home by one run each time. BUT – you lost several key players and still provided the river with one helluva season. I elected to listen to game three on the radio and hear the roar from [...]
  • Always on My Mind I almost can’t believe it, but a year has passed since I sadly said goodbye to my West Michigan Whitecaps when they exited the Midwest League playoffs. HERE I AM – making my return! To see this first year pass on the river has been truly unreal. We moved in late last season, so I [...]
  • Must Stop Repeating the Past Detroit cannot keep repeating the same juvenile habits that have crippled us in seasons past. I’m LOOKING RIGHT AT YOU, BRAD AUSMUS. DO YOUR GODDAMN JOB. Stop depending on spread sheets, matchups, and absurd statistics to make every basic decision for you. You’ve had enough time to acclimate to being manager, and you must find [...]

1 Comment

  1. Debby, mom. Debby, mom.
    September 3, 2017    

    I heard it on the radio, driving back to Grand Rapids, from Detroit. I said words to myself that I’m not proud of. If Verlander is gone, which he is, I want a new Mother’s Day tradition. I pick the White Caps. Now that’s a team we can talk about with pride.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Copyright © 2011 - 2018 TheSportingSnarf. All Rights Reserved. Created by Blog Copyright.