The good:

  • Rookie and sophomores from America against youngins from the rest of the world. It was a close, high-scoring game finished by USA and led by Zach LaVine, the MVP with 30 points and an array of dunks. WE WANT DUNKS!
  • And we got them Saturday night. That is the pinnacle of the weekend, for sure. Initially the festivities went underway with a strong skills competition, pitting big men against guards. The finale was spectacular, rising people to their feet for the first time ever in that event – the litmus test.
  • The 3-point contest is a little gay (ditch that $$$$$ball entire rack for continuity and comparisons sake) but J.J. Redick was smooth and at least it was climactic, even if it was the douche bros.
  • LaVine stole the show again, launching himself from the free throw line and unleashing more original, crisp finishes. He had some competition this year, our boy Andre Drummond showed out for the Pistons (he seemed a little nervous but linked up with Stevie Nash for a nice windmill alley-oop; if he’d have landed the between the legs bounce dunk under the hoop, he’s have been a contender…) and some snarf from Orlando “muscles” made him work for it. That went for multiple bonus rounds with each G hitting 50 every time until “Space Jam” stole the show going between the legs from the FT line… wow. The way he came out from the get go was electric, snapping the ball behind his back with his head level with the rim and always finishing smoothly with authority. He’s the best dunker I’ve seen since Jason Richardson.
  • The first half of the all-star game. FINALLY, the 3-point shooting is over!! Whoo-hoo! Right?! 92-90 at halftime, not many gay triple tries and instead drives to the basket with clutch passing… muah! Wonderful! Drummond nailed four dunks in limited minutes as part of the highest scoring half in nba history.

The bad:

  • The second half of the Celebrity game. Kevin Hart came out bricking and the USA team never made it close against Canada. If anything, it made you appreciate the real players!
  • Draymond Green. He actually failed to eclipse the score of Hart’s 12 in a fake 3-point contest. A contrived trophy was already presented to make fun of the comedian’s height, but it was too late: the joke was on the former Spartan. The NBA never thought this would culminate, it started as a dare on social media. They attempted to pretend the final 3 from Hart was too late, but –
Swish

Swish

  • …it clearly was not! OOPS!!
  • The Warriors in general. Just go away. If everyone didn’t get hurt paving your easy yellow-brick road to the Finals, we’d never hear this garbage. Let us guard them and make them guard us and they will lose a lot more than four times in the second half of the season.
  • Sage Steele and ESPN cutting away from the Canadian G’s Celebrity MVP Speech. He started, “In an election year for the U.S., you can learn a lot from Canada. National health care, -” and then he was scolded with the credit music playing over him. Hella ignorant… He was going to school us, we could have actually learned something! Dammit, Disney.
  • That 4th guy in the dunk contest – whoops.

The ugly:

  • The second half of that all-star game. What in the fuck happened, Gs? After such a clutch first half, last year’s clown launching gave way to an awful to watch conclusion. It starts to be like the first game ever invented, Pong. Drake
    Bo-Ring

    Bo-Ring

    and Reggie Miller’s ping-pong match was 1,000 times better than the 3rd and 4th quarters. This proves we’re making progress with that first half but we still are only 50% there, it’s mirroring the 3-point epidemic the FaggotGoldenStaters have infected the league with. WE NEED MORE DEFENSE OR IT ISN’T ANY FUN. Every drive to the hole lay-in or slam is so much more free-flowing. And I know there’s no D in the all-star game, so pass and showcase your athleticism.

  • Russel Westbrook is the perfect example of this. Just like with my final “ugly,” it’s like we fail to hold anyone accountable for their past beyond a year or so. Remember Magic Johnson calling out Westbrook’s performance as the worst ever in the Finals? He’s supposed to facilitate a court full of talent. Chris Paul dished out 16 assists off the bench. COME ON! Look at how Kevin Durant and everyone else are his bitch now. When did these shooting little fucks like Harden and Curry start getting away with raping the game? JAMES NAISMITH IS SPINNING.
  • Kobe Bryant. Oh, what a dog and pony show for the worst teammate maybe of all-time. Call me when anyone ever calls you, Kobe. You drove Shaq away in the prime of his career, lest we forget. You very likely committed rape. No one likes you, Phil Jackson even wrote a book about it. And then you drove Dwight Howard away and single-handedly ruined the franchise you play for before you retire. THAT IS YOUR LEGACY. Drummond outscored you, bye.

Furthermore, I think that first  half was a reflection of LeBron James, the passing and sharing and attacking of the rim, and as we insisted on kissing Kobe’s ass, the final 24 minutes seemed selfish, ball-hogged, and boring. Fitting tribute.

Overall, it was truly a nice break and a fun one, but I’m glad to see Kobe go, and enough with the 3’s. Kenny Smith tried to say the 3-point contest should be the final on Saturday. Not only was he clearly proven wrong by the dunk contest, I think the game itself Sunday proved him equally wrong. Seeing a game live, the dunk shakes the arena and the energy is palpable, even on screen. The NBA champion will always be the team to play the best defense, unless the rules prohibit otherwise. Just like with the Hack-A-Shaq, take caution or lose your audience, Adam Silver.

Good luck in the second half, Pistons and Clippers.