Here’s a collection of what I was able to catch during the 2nd half of Bill Walton announcing the St. John’s-Vanderbilt game this afternoon:

  • Bill is not a fan of the double-double: “The double-double is the most overrated in the history of stats.“
  • While talking about some swimming team staying near his hotel: “17 of the greatest future athletes in history.”
  • “What day is it today?”
  • Walton was displeased at the air conditioning being on in the gym. “This is Maui. It’s 80 degrees,” to which his fellow announcer replied, “Oh, stop!” (Bill’s breaking him…)
  • Starts gushing about a couple of practices he watched that, “Restored his faith in humanity,” before proceeding to quote Einstein.
  • Reminds us that Hawaii is one of four states that do not allow billboards. The announcer then asked him to name the other three, which of course, he did.
  • Gives a great anecdote about Larry Bird and Isiah Thomas shooting to see which team got the ball first in a three-on-three pick-up game, where they made 19 straight shots to decide. It was a serial tangent from talking about Mitch Richmond and Chris Mullin, who had a similar shooting back-and-forth outdoors, as Bill claims, “In the wind, rain, blah blah blah, volcanoes,” What is he talking about?
  • The game is easily over – it’s 80-45 with four minutes left. A decent hook in the lane sparks Walton to say, “NICEST play of the game,”  at about the most in-crucial juncture possible. Exactly, Bill.
  • “Vanderbilt: one of the great schools in the country – one of the great schools in the world.”
  • “That was Bob Dylan’s message to us all.”
  • “Thank you continental so much for making me love my bike. I LOVE MY BIKE.”
  • “Are you into numerology at all? No. Not at all?”
  • Tomorrow is the anniversary of Wilt Chamberlain’s 55 rebounds.
  • Some nice history lessons about Captain Cook and Hawaii, plus the founder of Vanderbilt. “Have you ever been to Vanderbilt? No. One of the most beautiful places on Earth.” And he said it like he meant it!
  • At the game’s conclusion: “We have witnessed perfection. We have witnessed blah blah blah. We have witnessed history here at the Maui Invitational.”

And that was just the first round of the tournament. Imagine if we could get Bill to announce the NBA Finals again – would his head explode? Let’s get a G back!

(We salute you, snarf. We are all soldiers in your army.)