Admit me: Just like Ronda R., no one expected Detroit to enter Lambeau Field and leave with the victory. Call us “Amy Schumer,” cause we knocked those mother fuckers out!
Due to the plethora of weekend action, I woke up late in this affair, Lions leading 12-3. Credit our defense for keeping Green Bay in check, especially that first half.
However, in the 4th, the refs started to re-energize Aaron “Double Douche” Rodgers. (If that’s a penalty on Ziggy, fuck that.) After they made it 12-10, you knew we had to keep scoring. This is example #1A where Matthew Stafford & Friends could have easily caved in.
Setting the stage, we’re fucking (1-7). If you’re a G, you bring it, irregardless. If you have bitch-ass, ho-like tendencies, you pout, don’t block or play hard, and basically lay down. BUT THESE are Martha Ford’s Lions, Dammit!
Stafford converted two clutch third downs to keep our drive alive under five minutes. The latter was a nifty route by Golden Tate, who weaved his way wide open, then took it down to Green Bay’s five-yard line. On 2nd and goal, Stafford (biting their D on a run fake) nailed Lance Moore on an over-the-middle slant for the TD.
All we do is tack on the XP. Matt Prater had already missed one in the wind – make it two. Terrible timing. Not a fan of a 35-yard extra point, personally. 18-10, two minutes left.
Time to re-write history. That graphic kept flashing: “Detroit has not won here since 1991.” Whatever! We know!!
This was the drive with that weak-ass penalty on Ansah. Too many times, on 3rd and long, the zebras let A-Fag get a free first down.
It was kind of horrific to see unfold: here came the Packers, marching towards the end zone. With 30 seconds left, they scored to make it 18-16. It was all about the 2-point conversion.
Without any running game, Green Bay’s confused (he stays confused!) coach tried to pass it… UNSUCCESSFULLY! VERY strangely similar to Michigan’s 4th and goal stand at the two in OT.
My father, aka oldschool (god bless him) ran into my room in triumph. But, we still had to recover the onside kick. No problem – right to Calvin Johnson; and off his Megatron hands and into a green and yellow jersey’s arms. NO. NO.
With creepily exactly enough time left, Detroit now not only faced not-winning again, unlike before, we were actually in danger of losing after all this.
Gay-Rodge got into FG range for their kicker and got the spike under ten seconds. They got even closer on the next play, running out of bounds with five secs left.
Here came the field goal unit. I’m just holding on with every other real Lions fan for dear life, hoping the wind that pushed Prater’s XP will do us a solid.
The snap – the kick is up – AND
WE DID IT!!
This is an all-time game for Detroit and the NFL. In a very difficult year, to have this one and take it to the bank – yeah, it’ll be a solid pick me-up. Calvin, whose been a Lion since 2008, relished his first ever W in Lambeau. He said he saw a fellow veteran getting a little misty, just like me, and just like my dad.
Congratulations, Lions: And SUCK IT, Green Bay!