There’s literally no other option for Detroit sports fans. Every city too stupid to create their own network is a slave to the Fox Sports Machine.

They pump out the same generic coverage for every affiliate. Usually, they have one real Red Wing (Chris Osgood), Piston (Mateen Cleaves), or Tiger (Craig Monroe), then they rotate the same clowns as the other analysts.

These douches aren’t even real Detroit fans. They’re all trying to climb the corporate ladder and make it big on Fox. So, we’re stuck listening to people judge us who don’t even care whether we win or lose.

It ends up always being dramatic for the network’s sake instead of fair. The former players know infinitely more, but they play second fiddle to loud mouth idiots.

Here are the worst (and best) fuckers at Fox Sports Detroit:

Horrible References Section:

John Keating

I'm A Little Drunk

I’m A Little Drunk

-Aka “Red Face,” “Drunk Clown,” “The Steam Engine,” and “Foghorn Leghorn”

Mickey York

Chip Beaver

Chip Beaver

-“Kermit the Frog,” “Hands Malone,” “Buzz”

Matt Shepard

Hitman

“Hitman”

Nerdy White Guy Aisle:

Justin White

McCheesy

McCheesy

“Jimmy Neutron” is a Syracuse graduate from Boston…WTF?

Johnny Kane

Snarf 5000

“The Yukster”

…never has his questions prepared.

Trevor Thompson

Trevor

“Awkward”

Ultimate Fag

Ultimate Fag

“Someday we can be Ryan Field!”

G’s:

Chris Osgood

Ozzy

Ozzy

Craig Monroe

Money Monroe

Money Monroe

Kirk Gibson

The Legend

Move Over Mario

Jack Morris

And Rod

And Rod

Jack+Morris+u7SDCeW0DTLm

Mateen Cleaves

The Man

The Man

George Blaha & Special K

The Bar

The Bar

Token Whores:

Shannon Hogan

Already Gone

Already Gone

Lindsey Hayes

The Woman

Ditto

Ken Daniels

It's Me

It’s Me

Mario and Rod

Bo-Ring

Drab and Droll

Mickey Redmond

Buy My Truck

Buy My Truck

Bo-Ring