Without Reggie Bush or Calvin Johnson, the Detroit Lions beat the Vikings in Minnesota 17-3.

There is much to celebrate, for the defense sacked Teddy Bridgewater eight times (most since ’97), picked him off three times, and didn’t allow a single touchdown.

However, the Lions put way too much pressure on themselves down the stretch with strange play calling, forcing the defense to step up time and time again.

Minnesota had nothing. They wanted to lay down in the fourth quarter, but Detroit refused to simply run the ball and kill the clock, instead driving oldschool and me insane with passing plays.

On our first possession of the game, we marched all the way down the field with a nice run/pass balance and scored a touchdown. Instead of riding that momentum, we tried an onside kick! The Vikings marched all the way down into our red zone, where they fortunately forced an interception in the endzone. I’m telling you, it was like that all game: the fucking defense constantly bailing the offense out.

Matthew Stafford was sacked four times thanks to the ass play calling. We mustered a field goal before the half for a 10-0 lead. Our new kicker clanked one off the left uprights in the second half, keeping Minnesota in the game. Later on, Detroit elected to run on fourth and one in Viking territory instead of trying a field goal, and the gamble paid off. Joique “Bowling Ball” Bell bounced through the goal line to finish the drive.

From there, the game should have been over. Waterboy was getting beaten to a pulp by our line, and Minnesota wanted to give up. Body language 101. The Lions kept punting back to them, though, by not running and killing the fourth quarter.

They could only add one field goal thanks to a tremendous effort by our defense, the best in the NFL. Stop making everyone sweat so much next week, snarfs.

Bell summed up his feelings after the win: